(Tentative) Darkness 083

Synopsis

Sometimes I reflect on my life.

If I could go back in time, when would it be to start living a proper life?

That day in adolescence when a girl’s gym clothes went missing from the desk next to mine and I was the first suspect.

That day at Tobita Shinchi when I lost my virginity to a woman closer to grandmother’s age than the mama’s.

Honestly, being born and raised in an ordinary household meant my parental lottery was neither winning nor losing.

Yet, from parents who simply drifted through life, no exceptional child could be raised. I grew up as an ordinary, presentable human being.

Schools talk about individuality and freedom, but fundamentally they’re only permitted within the bounds of adult imagination, demanding conformity.

But upon entering a normal company as an adult, ordinary superiors demanded extraordinary ideas and initiative from ordinary people like me.

Lost and confused, I quit my job and became a shut-in in my late twenties.

The world is far more absurd and imperfect than I imagined.

A success book said don’t try to change the world—if you change yourself, the world changes.

But that’s the same as admitting defeat to society, isn’t it?

I hate that. I don’t want to lose.

Youthful folly, perhaps, but that sentiment never faded.

What this old man does is despicable and vile.

Yet why does it excite me so much?

Criminal acts with zero justification.

On free streaming sites, viewers who saw the old man’s videos left comments—reports, death wishes, overwhelming abuse.

But those commenters surely pleasured themselves too.

Just like the old man lecturing the girl after getting off at a brothel.

The old man pays no mind and keeps committing crimes as if destroying the world.

He continues these despicable acts like punishing women who seem to have successful lives.

Does the old man hold resentment toward society too?

Does he have grievances against the world?

I’ll ask him next time we talk.

This woman seems refined, like someone from Ginza.

Definitely a rich girl.

Raised without any hardship. Damn it.

How do you even meet a woman like that?

Even if I became wealthy and met her, family background would prevent marriage.

An unbridgeable gap beyond personal effort.